Strength of 3 Men

I’m not sure what to post right now, other than I’m sad. Two awful diseases reared their ugly heads and staked a claim in the strong and determined bodies of three Uncles. 2 of mine, one of my husbands.

Scleroderma, more appropriately, Diffuse Scleroderma was the first. It’s a hardening or thickening of the skin and other organs caused by an over production of collagen. Normally something that the rest of society craves more of, this increase in collagen affects the amount of blood and oxygen that gets carried to the rest of the body. My Uncle S. was diagnosed years ago and has had a huge battle against this persistent stalker. In and out of the hospital with his wife, kids, and grandkids by his side encouraging him and giving him the determination to fight for the right to live.

His lungs got it. His oxygen tank became his new best friend and took claim by his side even when he continued on with his joys of life; strapping the tank next to him on the quad and heading out into the backcountry, a smile plastered on his face.

We recently received the news that he was finally going to get his lung transplant. The biggest obstacle was transferring him from the small hospital where he was residing for a short time, to a much larger, more equipped facility. Up in the air he went, only to come back a short 40 mins later, landing in ICU. He’s been there ever since while family members from one end of Canada to the other all wondered, questioned, hoped and prayed that someway, somehow, it would all pan out. A Facebook group was started where 366 members posted their anticipations and desires.

I received a call today from one of my Aunts where the news wasn’t what we; I had hoped. The most difficult decision was made that one of the strongest people I know, wasn’t strong enough to make the trip. Not strong enough to have surgery. Not strong enough to stay in ICU. And barely strong enough to make the trip down the hall to a private room.

It’s strange not being there and only hearing snippets from family members passing around the snippets of information they hear. Trying to weed out the what’s, the when’s and why’s. The last I heard, he’s holding on for his sons. The one by his side, the other on his way. The last I heard, he said he’s “okay”; “not afraid”; “ready”.

The Uncle that I have always loved and looked up to, the man that was so broad and rugged, the one that can hardly speak without losing breath, is much stronger than his physical body is letting us believe. A man that is “okay” has incredible courage and power, faith and vigor. He has come to peace.

Even though I am saddened by the news I received today, I know that if he says he’s “okay” then I believe him. I, however, am not.

~~~
It is not only Uncle S. that is engaged in a war against his own body, but another strong man, another man that I love and have always admired, Uncle E. His battle? Cancer.

His cancer is determined to get the best of him. It was diagnosed only a short while ago with aggressive treatments of chemo, radiation and surgery following. New stem cells were added and the outlook was good but his comfort level wasn’t. Pain and discomfort emerged amongst the day to day living with this toxin plaguing his system. A birthday gift in the form of a CT scan showed two more masses. Two masses that toy with the surgeons; RISK is their game and the doctors are losing.

A timeline was given with options of pain relief. They can reduce the speed of the cancer but not it’s monstrous effects. More radiation and more frustration. Family that is torn between provinces, between battles, between the need for comfort, empathy, love, and prayers. Two sisters both dealing with devastating news about the men in their lives, their husbands. Children, nieces, nephews, cousins, siblings, parents all trying to come together and reach out to one another.

~~~
It wasn’t but two weeks ago when we received yet another call. This time is was Glen’s Uncle. Cancer struck again. It put its filthy claws into another good man. At the end of this week, he will have surgery with aggressive chemo and radiation treatments to follow. A hard working farmer than never let a day go by without being in the field, or a fellow go by without a need being met, now stuck in the city’s cancer unit imagining the smell of the golden harvest and the big blue skies.

~~~
It’s my Parents’ anniversary today. A day that is filled with memories of a commitment to love clouded over with sour news. In a bittersweet way, an oxymoron at best, a day that reminds me of marriages has me thinking of funerals where it is these two gatherings that demonstrate the importance of love and family.

Even though I am saddened by the news of today and the past few weeks, it is encouraging to see the outpouring of so much support towards these 3 men and their wives that stand beside them, holding them up and gently guiding their fall from what they lived to what they live now.

“Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will.” – Mahatma Gandhi

I still hope for a miracle of sorts, an end to suffering, a chance at life, a cure. I hope like millions of others that have had bad news today. Just know that I’m there with you. I’m here doing what I can, telling my story and encouraging those that can, to do what you can. Pray. Hope. Educate. Donate.

Take care of yourselves,

Goodnight.

Scleroderma Society of Canada

Canadian Cancer Society

Sunny Days of Summer

Okay, you can call me a liar. I said I would blog and I’ve been negligent. But in my defense, I think I have had one of THEE best summers with my family. Camping trips, farm trips, carnivals, parades, baking, gardening (okay, I’ve neglected that too recently ~sigh~), and of course photography.

My photography has taken off. Although I still consider myself a total newbie at this, I have really enjoyed every single opportunity I have had to get creative and try to master my skills. And then I call Hope and dolefully complain that I think I buggered something up. Somehow my confidence always gets restored and then I go off to snap better pics. So a shout out to my pedagogue but more to my friends and customers of PixelPie for giving me a phenomenal start and handing out the encouragement. Oh, yes and the gorgeous flowers I received put me over the edge of “Wow, thanks.”

Just to prove that I haven’t been slacking, here are some pics of celebrating Canada Day, A trip to the farm, and some of Edmonton’s festivities, Capital Ex. Yeah, I know. 3 slideshows in a row. But I'm trying to play catch-up.

OH CANADA!




FUN FARM DAYS




A FUNNY FARM

A Whirlwind of Activity

Wow, things have been literally crazy around here. A total whirlwind. I haven't forgotten about this blog, lol, actually quite the opposite. I have so much to write and so many stories but it all has to wait! We're off camping again!

I'm really enjoying this summer. We've spent a lot of time together doing family things everything from camping trips to playing at the park and enjoying the events of Edmonton, which has been fantastic and in between times, my photography has taken the leap forward; portrait sessions, and my first wedding that I just completed last night! I am dying to process pics but apparently I'm only allowed 10 before I leave on vacation. Thbbbbbbbt!


My computer's still giving me grief so I'm waiting on my new iMac! Yippe! Hopefully I can learn it fairly fast so I'm not put behind any further.

My kids are growing like weeds too. I've been dealing with a temper tantrum/no nap phase from Ethan lately and would love, LOVE, any tips to speed this phase up. It's exhausting. It amazes me how long they can last, even when Glen and I try to be very consistent with him and not give any extra attention. While Ethan is all out wailing, and Glen and I are curling are toes, the clock is ticking down the hour, two hours, two and a half.... yeesh. Toddlers are so intense.

Daysha has started food and she is lovin' it! Give her the spoon and she has a blast! lol, what a mess but so much fun! So far, she has loved every fruit and veggie that we've tried her with. I thought Ethan was a good eater but I think Daysha wins. She is all smiles now that she's a big girl!

Anyway, I'm off to pack! Hope you're enjoying your summer too!

Here are a few pics from some backyard summer fun when my niece came over to play.

Giants are Standing on my Shoulders

I burned my arm on my oven the other day while trying to bake a pizza that couldn’t be baked. It was friggen painful. And now it’s itching beyond belief. But it’s minor. And part of me appreciates the annoying stinging sensation. It reminds me that I’m human and for many reasons, this small burn on my arm has humbled me.

Somehow my personality screams, “I can do it! I’ll help you! Let me find out for you! I’ll be there! Depend on me!” I widen my shoulders, sit straight as a die, hold the pose and start problem solving. I’m tough. I’m strong. I’m stubborn. I can handle it. Throw it my way and I’ll forsake my own needs and step in your Crocs; walk your path for a while. Perhaps my needs are to take it all on. Maybe extreme but somehow, no matter the history lessons I have learned, I still get that Feeling that I should help because it’s what I do.

“Whoever loves becomes humble. Those who love have, so to speak, pawned a part of their narcissism.” – Sigmund Freud

So as it is, I give myself away. I’m smarter about it now and I no longer feel the responsibility that I use to attach to it. I give myself the option of choosing what I do and how much of “me” I can give. Whether you consider that “smart” or not is irrelevant because for me, it’s how I manage. I say “I can’t” when I cannot. I say “I can” when I cannot and when I can. Make sense? It’s the Feeling that I always should that’s hard to shake as well as everyone that knocks on my door or calls my phone.

I do a lot for my friends because I love my friends. They give me energy. I enjoy doing what I can for them and to let them know that I really do care. I do the same for my family. But family always brings a different level of energy. It’s the trust, I think, that is unconsciously there, that permits repercussions to surface. "If I don’t do it, then ____”, “I really should because they are family and they did ____ for me” etc.

There have been so many things brought to my doorstep as of late and I am feeling the need to help in as many areas as I can. But there is so much out of my control and my reach. There are too many mountains to move and seas to part. My love is there but all I am capable of right now is to sit back and watch things unfold no matter how much I don’t want the outcome to be what it will be. I’m reminded over and over by my husband and my past, that you cannot help those who are inept of change. It just doesn’t help shake the Feeling.

As I sit with the Feeling on my heart, I sit knowing that I am tired of being asked on my gut. I can count up to 50 phone calls within the last few weeks of a very dynamic Soap Opera playing out around me. I prefer a good sitcom but I don’t have a say. It’s not in their personalities. To dramatize everything and then when the drama is serious, the excitement is at its peak. My nature is for the calm and peaceful so I want to infuse the situation with composure and serenity. I have an idea. Let me help. Why don’t you try this instead?

~~~

My mother is sick. I have seen it coming. She’s had a disease for years that has sometimes been managed but for the most part it hasn’t. I get frustrated with her continual procrastination of something that can be slowed if not stopped. She’s walking in the Crocs of her mother. Why, if she’s seen the results, won’t she do what it takes to prevent this if not, at least do what she can? Our personalities are so different that I have always butted heads with her ways, taking every single ounce of my energy to understand her thinking. I can write a 10 page essay on my theory but it does no good if the results remain the same. I am so unlike her that I don’t understand her but I Feel her pain in the same way.

I am so frustrated, angry and saddened by so many areas that are affecting this situation. The years of denial and neglect, the continual mismanagement of a healthy lifestyle, the absence of support for her, the genuine, innocent, ignorance she brings to it all is beyond my power.

And now the results are in and it’s not good.

~~~

My SIL is dealing with a bedridden, high-risk pregnancy. Her husband is doing what he can to help her and their 11 month old daughter. He’s doing what he knows how and she is doing the only thing she can. Waiting for the twins to arrive safely. I want to help. My husband wants to help. My mom wants to help. But each of us have so many reasons why it is difficult. My beyond beautiful niece needs more than I or Glen can give her. She needs reassurance and consistency. With two other small children, my time gets very divided and my stress level tips the scale. Is that helpful or harmful and for who?

There's no one to blame. Babies go through stages. Pregnancies go through risks. Marriages go through trials. Husbands learn. Such is the way of life.

~~~

Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will—at the worst possible moment.

~~~

I burned my arm. It hurts. I am still here baking a pizza that won’t bake.

~sigh~ Where did my sparkly, magic wand go??

Absent Without Official Leave

Have you ever had a day/days where absolutely nothing is going in the right direction?

~BIG SIGH~

My computer has been giving me grief; one error after another. I pay a Tech guy $170 to look at it, run the same bloody scans that I already did, to tell me “it’s fine.” Get it home and three more errors pop up. It’s fine for a PC, maybe. Apple. Here. I. Come.

I paid 60$ for a website template that I can’t get to work unless I first edit it with a program that’ll cost me $399. Holy H*ll. So I’ve browsed every other template site out there and find that if I want any quality I have to pay so I’m out that original 60$ plus the dollars to either have a monthly subscription or an annual fee. I’ve tried downloading a few freebies for practice and my web host is causing me grief which leads me to think another would probably be better; then I’m out even more money. If only someone had taught me code in school. And frankly, I don’t have the patience to learn it now.

Glen and I were also headed out for a date tonight. And Holy H*ll what drama. Trying to arrange for a sitter when ((surprise!)) unexpected family come trudging along, wanting a visit with “the kids”. Well now. It’s supper time and the kids need to eat, family needs to eat, and my husband just cleaned my house while I, amongst interruptions, attempted to process pics. Geeze. Won’t anything just flow smoothly today??

Seems these days, my so called “work” day doesn’t begin till 10 o’clock at night and there’s good reason for it. Steady concentration. Well, I dunno how much concentration one can have between the hours of 10-3 a.m. but it doesn’t appear that I can get any other schedule to work. Ugh. This is going to have to change because I cannot survive on coffee alone. I don’t think I drank this much since college and only then it was to cure an active hangover. Kidding. (Believe it or not, I actually studied my buns off. Well, the second time around anyway).

My brain is powering down because I am tired of dealing with all the little things today. Seriously, 8 phone calls between family members, PC errors and a date night that’s gone AWOL. It was a perfect day outside my windows but inside, Glen and I weren’t acting much like partners and the kids were feeling the tension. Hopefully this day will get better soon.

And I’m hoping to post some pictures soon for you as well.

Cheers.

Exhausting Work

Kudos to every Mom and Dad out there. This isn’t the first time I’ve said it, nor will it be the last but parenting is ridiculously hard work with a ridiculously small salary. I’m tired. All the time. Not just when I don’t get any sleep or spend too much time processing pics when everyone else is gone to bed. It’s because I am a parent who has two kids that wear me out. The sad part is that I have excellent kids. So what’s my excuse, really?

Well for one thing, this potty training stage has every one of my creative juices maxed out. How many times can you make it fun for a toddler to pee in a toilet without him looking at you and saying “no mommy. all done. play"? Games, stories, songs, reward charts. It’s all been done. And I’m still doing it. Even when I’m sure he’s given it an earnest try and put his “bo-bo-boys” back on (that’s lingo for “big-boy-pants”) and then says “mommy. pee.” referring to what he just accomplished in his underwear, I calmly tell him we need to clean up, remind him what we’re suppose to do and try to thing of another way to give him the almighty “Aha!” moment.

Accidents. Pee puddles. Am I suppose to ignore them? Just clean it up? Sit him back on the potty? Put him back in a diaper? That book said this, this book said that, a website is spouting off “train ‘em in a week! 3 days! 1 day!” Do I buy more potties and spread them from one end of the house to the other? What about grocery shopping? Seriously. Where’s the toilet in IGA? Do I run from one end of the Superstore to the other? Crap. I have an infant in a snuggly/carseat. Where does she go? Now there’s a puddle on the floor. Breathe. Again. BREATHE!

Monitor his fluid intake. Time his poops. Regular schedules. Schedule schmedule. I don’t do everything the same everyday. We’re busy people. We’re normal. There are Dr. appts, hair cuts, shopping, mail pick up, house chores. I don’t doubt that if I sat around all day long staring at my clock, I would have a really kick-ass schedule. But there is always something that interrupts me (a whole other blog, trust me!). For starters, I have a teething infant that doesn’t always eat or sleep when it would be most convient for me. She does it when she feels darn ready. If she’s eating, then I’m sitting and my toddler is peeing on the floor. Breathe.

On top of that, I am trying to convince my very curious, playful and loving toddler that stopping in the middle of the day, putting down the toys, coming in from the gorgeous sunshine to have a nap is a good thing. Staying in your bed is even better. And because I’m either stupid or a sucker for punishment, I am trying to do this while maintaining his level of independence and respect suitable for his age without losing my patience. Gritting my teeth and trying to say in a calm matter, “GET in YOUR bed.” Ahhh, contemporary, modern discipline. It’s the way of the future. Back and forth between toddler and infant all day long.

It’s a wonder sometimes how I can actually do anything else at all.

And now I have to go again, as my baby’s awake. The third time in under an hour. Poor lil’ girl and her brand new tooth.

Cheers!

Back to Bloggin'

Well, I honestly didn’t think that it would take me this long to get back to my blog. The withdrawal was horrible. Hopefully I can catch up from where I left off and start posting more of the pics that have found a permanent home buried in my hard drive. Not to mention the oodles that are sitting on my memory cards. Ohhhh, the life of an aspiring photographer.

While I was away I learned the fine balancing act it takes to juggle 3 young children making the daily task of juggling two seem as easy as pie. Well, almost. But it certaintly has given me a new appreciation for all the Mama’s and the Papa’s that do it on a 24 hour basis.

We also held our garage sale and it did amazingly well. I now have clearance under my stairs and my husband has room in the garage to finally set up his tools. Not bad. It’s only taken 2 years. The $500 we made for that helped pay for some landscaping that we also accomplished. I managed to plant some fleurs and we’ll be planting some trees in the next week.

A camping trip, my son’s first black eye, my daughter’s first tooth. It all happened. So I have lots of stories to tell you.

But my most important news is that I have now set up an official photography business. I am working on a website, but don’t expect that for quite some time yet. I have some learnin’ to do first. :0)


I will be building up my portfolio for the next while and will be announcing sessions in the coming months. Stay tuned for that!

In the meantime here are some pics I snapped at the Calgary’s Farmers Market just for the fun of it and had a little fun processing them.

MIA

Just to let everyone know that I will be MIA for the next little while. I need to help a family memeber right now so my attention will be focused on that. I will post any updates as I can but they will be slow coming. Thanks and see you soon!

Confessions of an Un-confessed Shopaholic

Come to my house and you’ll see that I have a lot of stuff. Come to my basement and you’ll see even more. And I dare you to look under my stairwell.

It’s a collection of items all in storage. Household things, clothes, toys, holiday decorations, camping, etc. etc. Probably nothing out of the ordinary for a family of four, and you may even have similar artifacts. But what makes me write about my assortment of “stuff” is that a large percentage of it didn’t come out of my wallet. It was donated to say the least. Donated to the poor.

There was a time when I emerged from college, loaded with debt, newly out of a long and dragging relationship that had its fair share of emotional grief, a small town hick in a big, big city, suffering from a bout of depression, that I had no money. Not a lick. I was working 40+ hours a week on the worst shift rotation known to man and getting a regular paycheck that served me no good. I was on the lowest rung of the pay ladder that a nurse could possibly make, working just as hard, and every dime trickling towards a bill. I had hardly a morsel of food in my fridge but I could easily whip up a delicious lettuce and carrot salad. Just ask my husband. Maybe that’s why I fell in love with him. He bought me groceries and I held his hand.

Now the family that I had once cut out of my teenage life seen a need. And I wasn’t without pride but handouts seemed to be as much of a necessity as my old clunker strung together with cardboard and duct tape. So I started a collection of this goody here, that gadget there, a bit of furniture, a bit of clothing, and the occasional mouth of food.

Fast-forward the clock a few plus years and the goodies continue. Although I now no longer see them as necessity and have in turn concluded that this goodwill is now indeed excessive. And it is not directed at me nearly as much as it is my son.

Enter a scene from Everybody Loves Ethan. Marie is played as herself with the addition of a spending problem. Marie sees the extension of her huge heart best displayed in my house as a huge collection of toys and clothes. Not only is the affection directed towards my son but I get the occasional benefit as well. In fact every time the Barones come by it is with something in hand. A bag of this. A bag of that. A trinket here. A trinket there.

Perhaps I am just too highly maintained and if I were to have more of an opened mind I can see that this collection of mismatched items would create a warm, cozy environment albeit cluttered and dust filled. The fact is that I am darn sick of receiving things. It doesn’t make it pleasant to then receive other gifts for birthday’s, Christmas, or any other gift-giving day. Nor does it make it pleasant to even shop for myself or my own family members. What’s the point? They have so much as it is. There is no need. Thus it has robbed me of the little joy of buying that precious toy, or super-delicious outfit because it loses the value of one when they have ten.

I am at the point of trying to discreetly rid myself and the house of the numerous amounts of treasures that have flourished beneath my stairs. (Perhaps Blogging isn’t discreet but I plead the fifth). It has come to this because for many years of gently refusing, bluntly rejecting, getting down-right mad, and striking an air of sarcasm, I get guilt trips. One after another in as many forms as you can imagine.

The stem of all of this have deep roots. From Marie growing up within a large household, siblings sharing and handing-down everything, she now has access to a lot more financial freedom. It is evident when you see her stash of possessions; mostly the wardrobe that Oprah would compete with. One shirt, 5 different shades. Etc, etc, etc. Even though I understand the root system, it will continue to be a problem until the denial of it is lifted.

I am not hard done-by, but if I had the luxury of spending that kind of money, that frequently it wouldn’t be to fulfill a need of ownership. I would rather see it towards a charitable organization, a child sponsorship or three, feeding and clothing the poverty regions of the world. It is this kind of value I want to instill in my children. To know that another toy car or doll will only make them happy until they see the next one but to help someone in dire need will make them happy always.

I have tried helplessly and tirelessly to show the effects of overspending and have suggested many alternatives. Donate towards an RRESP, donate to a woman’s shelter, the Salvation Army, anywhere. I’ve pushed the idea of putting limits on the dollar amount for Christmas items but it has never been adhered to other than by every one else.

It’s a frustrating struggle. And I know it may be minor in lieu of the many other things affecting our planet and our people but my complaint here isn’t on the overall scale of global issues and Shopaholics but on one that loves the idea of “new” and loves to share her finds by crowding my children’s toy shelves, our closets, and underneath my stairs.

My solution? Another garage sale that’s even bigger than the one I had just two summers ago. Please stop by.

Where'd I go?

Let me apologize for being a blog slacker. The beginning of summer happens and BAM! I’m super-crazy busy. Plus I’ve been trying to give a little added time to my family and hubby because they really deserve it. This has kind of been the last two weeks in a nutshell:

- Calgary: Went to the zoo, farmers market, did some drive-by goose shooting, visited my SIL on the set of “Confessions of a Go-Go Girl” airing on the Life Network and actually went on a date with my hubby for Mama’s Day.

- At Home: Destroyed the backyard to put in a monstrosity of a play set, stripped our deck to be repainted, did some spring cleaning and tossed a bunch of stuff in a “garage sale” pile, cleaned and packaged 9 items (mostly small appliances) that I’m selling on ebay, organized and put off a whirlwind of a birthday party for my son’s 2nd, cleaned up from the crazy 2 yr old birthday tornado in our backyard, had Daysha’s baby dedication at the church the next day and went for lunch afterwards with all the family that was up visiting us, went to the Edmonton zoo with my other SIL, my brother and the kids for Ethan’s actual birthday and my SIL’s, and I’m busy trying to adjust a bunch of prefold, cloth diapers that I purchased that don’t fit my baby. Plus I joined the gym to lose this baby weight once and for all. And the rest of this week has been taken up with Kindermusik, Gymnastics, and the Relay for Life which I am so excited for.

Sooooooo, needless to say, I have pretty much been off of Facebook, my blog, and anything really to do with photography other than snapping away loading up my memory cards. I have a tonne of things to blog about and I’ll slowly work on it but for now please have some patience with me. Thanks!!

Fire and Rescue. Another Thank You.

Last Saturday, Glen went into work late. He has his day shift crew stay a little longer so that Glen and I could to the Spruce Grove Fire Services. It was difficult to arrange a meeting as Glen and the Paramedics that were on-call when Daysha was born, work the exact shift as Glen but we finally got the opportunity to say our thanks.

Our thanks go to Rob, Gary and Captain Mclain. They were a part of Daysha’s birth story as they stood by with their support and guidance as my midwife, Cathy and friend, Jen, worked diligently to ensure Daysha’s health after she was born refusing to breathe on her own.

In my eyes, as I lay on the floor, I could see the intensity in the room. I could see Rob standing near me watching over my daughter who was lying on the bed. I could hear Gary say she was coming around, I could hear the Captain running to bring warm towels to wrap her in. I heard them ask how I was doing and I told them to just look after my girl. I had yet to see her so before they left with her, I grabbed Rob’s leg and asked him “please, let me see her”. As soon as I saw her eyes, I teared up as I am doing now. They took her and my husband safely in the ambulance to the University where they would wait for me. I was exhausted.

Thank you for your quick response, your safe transportation of our daughter, your comforting words and your belief in the strength of my baby. Thank you for giving space for my midwife to work and holding off on intubating her, having faith that she would come around. It means more than words can say, that you took the time to bring me my baby girl so that I could see her as I would have if the circumstances were right. Thank you Captain for giving my mom a hug and telling her it was alright. Thank you all, for comforting my husband and letting him be with his daughter the entire time. And thank you for letting us come back with our family to visit you once again, letting Ethan play on the trucks, and giving them both a bear to keep. It means a lot.



You can check out the Web Album here.

Brand New Bike....

We had some spring fun trying out Ethan's new tricycle a week ago, before we had a blizzard. It began to rain and we thought April was bringing showers but instead it brought snow. Anyway, here are some pics, just for some fun spring memories.

Practice, practice, practice....

So I have been busy snapping away and have easily filled a 1GB memory card. I'm too scared to pop in the 4 gig. I'll never get through that many photos!! lol. (To all you skilled shutterbugs out there, just remember I'm new at this. I'm not use to processing this many pics).

Anyway, I finally managed to sort through some pics that I took two weekends ago when we travelled to Grand Prairie for my cousins wedding. The trip was good for the most part as Ethan slept more than half the way and then kept himself entertained by ripping up a sticker book while Daysha kept crying for her soother. I couldn't tell you what the scenery looked like as I mostly had my head ducked under the DVD player as I was constantly popping Daysha's sucky in her mouth. The South bound traffic though, had a good view of my butt. By the end of the trip, I had a headache from smashing my head on the DVD player at least ten times, the two kids and Glen were dying to get out, stretch their legs and eat. It wasn't until 9:00 that we managed to get into Tony Roma's and stuff our faces.

The wedding was at 2:00 which fell right in the middle of Ethan's typical nap. I don't think things would have been half as bad if we had had the correct address and weren't running in, literally, 3 minutes before the bride made her debut down the aisle, but Ethan couldn't hold his head up any longer. He was snoozing so soundly that he never even stirred when I carted him in on my shoulder, camera around my neck, running to find a seat in the pitch black while Glen carried the carseat trying not to trip up. The entire church was lit only by candles creating a BEAUTIFUL atmosphere for the wedding (and hopefully camoflaged the late arrivals), but made it very challenging for a newbie photographer to shoot a clear picture without using a blinding flash or stepping on the hired photographers toes. So I resorted to enjoying the ceremony and soothing a baby that woke up in the middle of the ceremony. Ethan didn't arise until he heard "I'm a Believer" from the Shrek soundtrack pouring out of the speakers while the Bride and Groom made their exit. He had no clue where he was, poor lil' gapher!

The rest of the day and into the reception, I decided I would try to take pics of some family members getting them to pose for the camera and squish their heads together. lol. And boy! Do people pose! As soon as they see a camera, it's almost as everyone freezes and gets a look on their face like they have to poop really bad! It's only after chatting with them either before or after you get a true smile! I got some people to pose but I do like the look of my candids a lot better. I think there is a lot more emotion in those.

During the reception I was dealing with really low lighting once again. They only had white Christmas lights and candles decorating the hall. Again, beautiful for a wedding; tough on the camera. I tried a few different things to help but I resorted to my pop-up flash. It wasn't until afterwards that I learned I could change the flash output so that may have helped soften the light. I also don't own, and haven't created, any diffusers to use but I did the best I could. I tired really hard to get a correct white balance because everyone was getting a orange halo around their heads and that warmness made their faces almost blend in.

So here are a few pics from the trip, let me know what you think!

Gratitude

We recently had an appointment with my Midwife, Cathy. This brought back a flood of memories for me from Daysha’s delivery. I really wanted to thank Cathy for everything she did for us on that day because I sincerely believe that if I wasn’t in her skillful hands, things would have been a lot different. Yes, even in a hospital. The delivery would not have been as quick and there would have been a lot more trauma than needed to be. I can say this, because I now have had 2 deliveries of babies with shoulder dystocia.

I did not go into this birth blind. I did all the reading I could on shoulder dystocia and made sure my caregiver knew how to handle it if it occurred again. Unfortunately it did and now because of it, my delivery options have dramatically changed.

Shoulder dystocia occurs for no particular cause. It can happen to large babies, it can happen to small babies. With whatever risk factors are associated with dystocia come recommendations none of which have had any proven decline in the amount of dystocias diagnosed or the after effects, like brachial plexus injury, contusions and lacerations, and birth asphyxia. There is no way to predict recurrent shoulder dystocia other than a good guess. And the good guess for me is that it’ll probably happen again.

So before having another pregnancy there is a lot of things to consider. I now have to plan on this actually occurring and have another plan of action if it does. Do I have another child? Do I have midwifery care again? Or do I subject myself to the scrutiny of doctors and risk interventions? Either way, the risk is shoulder dystocia and fetal injuries that accompany it.

So that’s all the technical data. The emotional data is something I will deal with every time I think of having another child. Shoulder dystocia is hard. As smooth as my labor went (twice over), the actual delivery is something that is very emotionally draining. So it was very important to me to have people surrounding me that I trust and I am beyond words with the amount of support I received that day.

To Cathy,
Thank you so much. I am so indebted for all of your encouragement, support, and energy that you gave me and my family. I don’t know if I have enough words to tell you how grateful I am for being a part of bringing Daysha into this world. I feel as if everything that occurred throughout my pregnancy was meant to put me into your safe hands. Thank you for delivering our baby girl to us and not giving up on her. Thank you for staying near me when I needed and listening to my concerns. This is only a small token of our thanks to you but you are forever rooted in our hearts.

Many of God’s blessings to you,
Love, Heather, Glen, Ethan and most of all Daysha.

Thirty days have September, April, June and November...

There has been an incredible amount of things going on in this household lately. I still haven’t found that balance, lol! The morning of my last post, a dear friend of mine, welcomed her beautiful baby boy into this world. We were all on pins and needles waiting his arrival and sending so many good-delivery vibes her way. I was very proud to know that she had the home birth she dreamed of.

So to help her out a little, my hubby spent a few hours in the kitchen doing what he loves to do. Cook. He cooked up a few hearty meals for them so that they could spend their time resting and enjoying their new bundle. We had meals delivered to us after my homebirth and now, I swear, that’s the gift I am going to give every new mom. Forget the pretty outfits…. food is the way to go!

Not only did a birth occur, but so did a birthday (his big sisters), a follow-up appointment with my midwife, two dental appointments, immunizations for Daysha, a DLS workshop, a Dr’s appointment for myself, bloodwork, and follow-up tomorrow, a Dr’s appointment tomorrow for Ethan, Kindermusik, and a wedding this weekend that we have to travel for but it means family staying here tomorrow night. 3 with us, 3 with mom, and 5 more to join the caravan the next morning. On top of all of this, I finally did up Thank-you cards for Daysha’s gifts, created and mailed out 56 announcement cards (I told you we had a big family), raked up the dead grass in the backyard, vacuumed the house, made a Walmart trip for groceries with the kids, uploaded photos from my workshop that I need to re-upload, and still managed to feed the kids and get them to take their naps, while still potty training a toddler.

This was one week.

You wonder why I sometimes lose my insanity. If what you are wondering about is the mound of appointments condensed into this one week, it was just timing. The dental appointments we’ve put off for a long time, the midwife appt was overdue by 2 weeks, and Ethan has one with a specialist that we’ve had book months ago.

Ethan has two “very” small bumps near his stomach and his pediatrician wants to screen it for possible hernias that may have developed congenitally. If this is the case, there is a possibility of surgery. It would be the tiniest incision, more than likely done by laser which equals a much faster recovery, but still, the idea of surgery scares the bejeebers outta me. I know how Ethan is leary of doctors already and I really wish I didn’t have to take him. So it’s a toss up. I can leave it and it turn out to be something else or end up causing him some pain of some sort, or we can go and take him to a specialist. I am crossing my fingers and toes that it turns out to be “nothing”.

The rest of this month continues to be busy. A little slower than this past week but still crazy nonetheless. I am hoping upon all hope that May will be at a standstill. HA! Who am I kidding??? That’s summer! There’s Ethan’s birthday, my SIL’s birthday, a camping trip…..

On the Run!

I know where my stress comes from, and it is not just from my crazy children (whom I adore just to be correct). It is from the basic fact that my hubby and I are by no question flooded with things to do; things to accomplish. It's our own fault. We know this to be a true and absolute fact. And it is not that we don’t acknowledge it or even try to change it. We have. Many, many, many times. As another fact, this is one of the same “arguments” we have. Why it is, why we do this to ourselves and each other, how to stop and get off this merry-go-round.

I now come to the conclusion that we each get a certain amount of enjoyment of keeping ourselves busy (actually, I’ve come to that conclusion a long time ago. I am just re-acknowledging it). For my own self, I hate sitting still for too long. Either I am occupying myself with life and family tasks or I am sitting and my brain is occupied in a book, writing, or in a discussion with whomever will listen to me. It killed me when I was enormously pregnant and could not literally move to do much of anything. Drove me insane. So as soon as I had my energy back, I did way too much way too soon, in turn giving me a case of Baby Blues that I still deal with.

Anyway, my hubby is the same go-go-go force. We each have huge social circles, and huge families that we so lovingly give our attention to. We LOVE entertaining and putting off a good meal or two (dying for BBQ season!) and love being in touch with people that are important to us. Which is literally, everybody. On top of that, we are organizational nuts. I love to label. I’m sure I’d stick one on your forehead if I thought you needed it… joking (sorta’), and my spouse loves things in “its place” even though half of the time it isn’t. We also love being on the go, taking our kids to places, trying new things, enjoying activities. On top of THAT, we each have hobbies that we struggle to maintain. And now I’m adding a new one to my list BUT I am not relinquishing that one as it has been years I have secretly been addicted to it.

So, we are busy. We both realize that we don’t spend enough time with just the two of us, or even the four of us, doing nothing but enjoying the “quality” time. So it is breeding ground for arguments and tension when we barely rub shoulders with one another and throw a passing “Btw, remember to do….” We have tried many times without success to schedule time for ourselves but always something interferes. ~sigh~

And today was another example.

Glen has been working like crazy the past few months trying to pay back mutuals and pick up OT before the summer, and next month is no different. So TWO months ago we planned for 4 days at the end of March, beginning of April, to spend together. Going nowhere, having no one over. It was going to be a catch up week of time together, a bit of laundry and bill paying, potty training and playing with my new camera. All which could have been done in these 4 days.

Except….

The Grandparents showed up.

We do love them and all. Really. And to be fair, they have called us over the past few weeks trying to schedule some time in to see their grandkids (they live 2 hours away) and we have always had some conflict arise. So they decided they’d just show up. Smart for them, frustrating for us. Now our days have turned into preparing meals on TV trays as we sold our dinette set and are STILL waiting for the delivery of our new one (c’mon Leons!), cleaning dishes, arranging the guest room, splitting up our “quality time” with the kids, and small talk with the in-laws.

So now we literally will not get to spend time together without having something “to do”, until the beginning of May. ~bigger sigh~

April is filled with a Weekend Wedding, dental appts, Dr appts, immunizations, birthdays, Kindermusik, Gymnastics, workshops and other get-togethers. We do love those times (except the dentist), (okay and the shots), but we are dying to spend a few days doing what we need and want to do.

So if ever asked why there is suddenly no answer to phone calls and emails, our house has no lights on, the windows and doors are boarded up and the sound of two yappy weinerschnitzels is missing from the backyard, just assume that we’ve packed our bags and moved to Liechtenstein.

Abschieds!

The Secret's Out!!!

Oh I’m so happy! I finally get to tell the secret. TWINS!!! There will be twins in the family! Yippee!!

My darling SIL and brother are doubling up and are bringing two new little lives into this world. Their little daughter will be thrilled! Two brand new siblings to love and share her toys with. Uh oh. Little Miss. T is only a babe herself so I’m sure she’ll think the Twins are brand new toys. Lol. I can hear her squealing already!


I am so happy for their family. In fact, I am delighted. Our family was only blessed with one little kiddo a while ago and has rapidly expanded. We’ll have 5 children, all under the age of 3, running around. Christmas is going to be a blast. I’ll now have 3 little nieces/nephews to spoil.

*Note: To my hubby’s boss: I think he needs a raise. And to my brother’s boss: he definitely needs a raise (especially if the Twins are girls!!)!

In the meantime, I wish my SIL the BEST pregnancy and all the rest you can possibly get. Spoil yourself with pregnancy spa trips and indulge in only the best foods you can tolerate. Enjoy it as much as anyone can enjoy a pregnancy; relish in those little kicks before they become big ones. Buy a king sized bed and kick my bro out now, so he is comfortable sleeping on the couch, and move it as close to the bathroom as possible. That way you only have to roll over to pee. Lol.

Love you all so much.
Take care of lil’ Bert and Ernie.

(See? The Spring thaw does bring the mush.)