A Disease with more Hope

I can’t believe how fast this month flew past me. A little bit of spring cleaning turned into a pile for a garage sale next month, a little landscaping turned into a whopper of a playset, a birthday party turned into donating older toys to a sparse church nursery, a little bit vacation time turned into two trips to two zoos and a lot of catching up with family members (the ones that lived in the zoo’s). It was a really busy month but there was one day that amazingly, should have been the busiest of them all but it turned out to be much different than I thought.


Last Saturday, I, along with other members of ticdesign, took our photographic skills to the Canadian Cancer Society’s Relay for Life. We were the official shutterbugs for the event and we were all very excited, nervous, and anticipated everything. For many of us, it was our first time ever attending the Relay, including myself.


I don’t know what I expected really. I had a good idea of the logistics of the event thanks to Hope, who has been an active team participant for a few years now. She even warned us that we would be swept up in all the activity and the emotions and told us to just go with it. Ride that rollercoaster.


When I first arrived in the field, I was so excited and honored to be there (and I’ll add extremely grateful that my oh-so-brave-pregnant-with-twins-and-has-an-infant-already-SIL agreed to babysit my two rugrats so I could attend) but I was really trying hard to concentrate on the photography aspect. I was trying to focus on the technical details of my camera and the lighting because to be perfectly blunt, I didn’t want to screw up. I don’t know if I even really believed I was ready to photograph a >gasp< an “event”. I knew even if I did flub every one of my shots that there were plenty of other talented viewfinders behind me to get the important moments but I really wanted to believe that I could manage this.


I was prepared to be running around like a crazed lunatic, talking to complete strangers. I would hide behind my lens and buck up. “Get them to smile”, “Get ‘em to laugh”, “Get ‘em in groups”, “Get every moment I can”, “If you see it, shoot it” (that one was Hope).


So I did. If it moved, >SNAP! <. If it stayed still, >SNAP!<. If it looked at me, >SNAP!<. If it ran away, >SNAP!<. If it was near, >SNAP!<. If it was far, >SNAP!<. You get the idea.


The event unfolded and I watched every little detail of it in my viewfinder. What happened amazed me. I started to forget about lighting, shadows, angles and perspectives. I forgot about my fellow photographers (sorry girls). I started seeing instead, what an incredible event the Relay actually is. Those luminaries. Hundreds. Everyone holding a tiny tealight candle surrounding every square inch of that track. Some in double rows. Evey single one of those represents love, respect, sadness, anguish. Every person that I was looking at, knew someone. Been by their side. Seen the awful consequences of a Cancer diagnosis. The poison of chemo and radiation. Every single person. Every tealight. And every one of them holds on to the same rope of optimism for a cure.


Not only did this Relay remind me and bring me face to face with the realities of Cancer, but it reminded me of every person I worked with back when I was nursing. Every child that had some sort of diagnosis, whether be it Cancer, Diabetes, Alzheimer’s, Autism, CF, CP, MS, Asthma, Anaphylaxis, and everything else in between and subcategorized. It’s depressing. But what is remarkable is that for every one of the implacable diseases listed in the Merck Manual, there is someone standing behind it holding up a sign of HOPE.


With continuing fundraisers like the Relay for Life, and other walks, runs, and Lotteries, there are masses of people with a common thread. Faith and expectations that there is a means to an end. These fundraisers will not only help lead to a cure, but will eventually become a place where we can all get together to celebrate in victory, the discovery of the cure and better treatments worldwide.



Am I an optimist? After seeing those Survivors rounding the track, you bet I am.

Please help donate whatever way you can to whatever centre for disease you can. Here are a few to get you started:

www.cancer.ca
www.diabetes.ca
www.alzheimer.ca
www.autismsocietycanada.ca
www.cysticfibrosis.ca
www.cpsc.ca
www.mssociety.ca
www.lung.ca
www.asthma.ca
www.anaphylaxis.org

For a full view of what I captured that day, please check here and please be aware that all the images I photographed during the Relay are copyrighted to the Canadian Cancer Society. Please respect this. Use of the images without permission are STRCITLY forbidden.

http://picasaweb.google.com/PixelPiePhotos/CCSEdmRelay?authkey=7MOOKDGGcvU

Where'd I go?

Let me apologize for being a blog slacker. The beginning of summer happens and BAM! I’m super-crazy busy. Plus I’ve been trying to give a little added time to my family and hubby because they really deserve it. This has kind of been the last two weeks in a nutshell:

- Calgary: Went to the zoo, farmers market, did some drive-by goose shooting, visited my SIL on the set of “Confessions of a Go-Go Girl” airing on the Life Network and actually went on a date with my hubby for Mama’s Day.

- At Home: Destroyed the backyard to put in a monstrosity of a play set, stripped our deck to be repainted, did some spring cleaning and tossed a bunch of stuff in a “garage sale” pile, cleaned and packaged 9 items (mostly small appliances) that I’m selling on ebay, organized and put off a whirlwind of a birthday party for my son’s 2nd, cleaned up from the crazy 2 yr old birthday tornado in our backyard, had Daysha’s baby dedication at the church the next day and went for lunch afterwards with all the family that was up visiting us, went to the Edmonton zoo with my other SIL, my brother and the kids for Ethan’s actual birthday and my SIL’s, and I’m busy trying to adjust a bunch of prefold, cloth diapers that I purchased that don’t fit my baby. Plus I joined the gym to lose this baby weight once and for all. And the rest of this week has been taken up with Kindermusik, Gymnastics, and the Relay for Life which I am so excited for.

Sooooooo, needless to say, I have pretty much been off of Facebook, my blog, and anything really to do with photography other than snapping away loading up my memory cards. I have a tonne of things to blog about and I’ll slowly work on it but for now please have some patience with me. Thanks!!

A Disease with Hope

Bladder Cancer
Breast Cancer
Colon Cancer
Endometrial Cancer
Kidney Cancer
Leukemia
Lung Cancer
Melanoma
Non_Hodgkin Lymphoma
Pancreatic Cancer
Prostate Cancer
Skin Cancer
Thyroid Cancer
Children’s Cancers
Women’s Cancers
Men’s Cancers

Cancer is not just one disease but many diseases. There are more than 100 different types of cancer. And it can affect any part of the human body; internal organs, bone, cartilage, fat, muscle, blood vessels, bone marrow, immune system, the brain, the spinal cord. Not only does it affect the body, it affects people.

There are very few of us who can say, I have never seen the effects of cancer. Whether it has been as a bystander to someone else’s life or it has had a direct impact on you or your family.

The devastation and destruction that these rapidly growing cells create are astonishing. No one should have to deal with this. Ever. Regrettably, with so much sadness, it burns a dark path into people’s journey of life. Dreams, hopes, and wishes can come crashing down quickly.

But there is a light shining brightly. A light shining on a cure. There are people that believe, that care, that are bringing back these dreams.

A new report from the nation’s leading cancer organizations shows cancer death rates decreased on average 2.1 percent per year from 2002 through 2004, nearly twice the annual decrease of 1.1 percent per year from 1993 through 2002.

And we can help further increase that percentage by increasing awareness, donating our time, and our hard earnings to help fund the research that is paving the way to a cure.

I am, along with 8 very dedicated members of ticdesign, have joined Clickin’ Cancer’s Butt. A team that has been asked to be the Official Team Photographers with the Edmonton CCS Relay for Life. This is a tremendous honor and I hope that after the Relay is complete that I can share with you, pictures of strong people that have survived cancer, are fighting cancer and are supporting one another and the research. People that have the same hope and optimism that I do; there will come a day when we can all say with confidence, that cancer will NEVER affect another man, another woman, another child, another baby. We will be free.

Please pledge your support and help fight this together.

Snapshots

I have a terrible memory. I can’t remember names, birthdays, dates of anything important, or numbers of any kind really. There is also a history of Alzheimers in my family. Perhaps I am showing genetic traits of it already or perhaps I just have a visual learning style. My brain takes pictures of everything and that’s how I remember things.

My brain takes a snapshot of words, and then I read them. I read full sentences by looking at only a few words. I don’t read letter by letter, therefore I can be a terrible speller, unless I write the word with a pen and paper and sometimes I miss the details.

My brain takes a snapshot of people when I meet them. I recall where I met them, the background, people around us, their posture, their clothes, their hair. Once that changes, I have no clue I might have met them and their name. Their face will be familiar but unless I can recall that initial picture, I have a very difficult time remembering them.

My brain takes a snapshot of events in my life. I can recall in great detail different situations such as my heart surgery I had when I was only two because I see it all in pictures. But I have to think for a second to tell you how old I am.

My brain takes a snapshot of where I last put my keys but if I move them in haste before my brain snaps the shutter, they’re lost for days.

Perhaps it is for all these reasons that I want to physically take pictures of things in my life with a camera. Perhaps I want to preserve all that I see and feel in print before Alzhimers really sets in and I can’t remember my own name or before I lose touch with things that mean my Life. But it wouldn’t be the only reasons.

There is a passion underlying my need for pictures, my need to capture every moment, every rush of energy. I knew it existed even long before I ever entered these DLS workshops. I remember seeing my Uncle take pictures; my father and his camera equipment. I remember getting my own camera and getting my first roll of film developed. I remember being told to stop taking so many pictures because people would get tired of looking at them. Who cares? I thought. I liked them. It’s the same reason I have thousands of digital images stored and I can’t hit the delete button. I like them.

Taking these workshops at a time when I am fully supported by my best friend, has made my passion spark after being hidden deep down in my toes. Not only do I now want to take pictures more than ever, I want to take good ones. So that perhaps my albums won’t be so boring to other people and they’ll see what I feel in each image.

What do I want to take pictures of?

Anything. Everything. Of you. Of my children. Your children. Of people. Places. Fascinating things. Boring things. Moments. I want to take pictures when my brain takes a snapshot and says, I want to remember that.

On the practical end of things, sure, it would be great if I could turn this into a business venture or an extra income to help out with providing things for my children and helping ease the burden of one income off of my husband’s shoulders. Photography would have a lot more drive behind it than being a nurse has ever had for me. But I’m only new at learning the techniques for a good photograph and wish to build up to that. But I know I have it in me. I know I can take a picture that someone will want to frame, and even if they don’t, I’ll frame it.

Awards and recognition don’t mean much to me at this point and I don’t know if it ever will. Perhaps one day, I might want to enter a contest just to see what becomes of it. I do get a little giddy thinking that I could set up a studio and have people want me to take their pictures. Or better yet, being able to go somewhere, anywhere, and know that I can capture someone’s memories for them and leave them with a beautiful image they’ll always have. How cool is that?

I have dreams as to where I want this photography to take me and it isn’t a New York fashion shoot. My dreams? I’m with people that really care that there is more substance behind an image than if there are shadows under someone’s eyes when there “shouldn’t” be any. To me, photography is about people, whether there are any in the image or not. It is the feeling you get when you see a photograph, good quality or not, and you get a little goosebump or two because something deep down in your toes says you like it. And I like it too. That’s enough for me. ~click, click~

O sleep, O gentle sleep

Another day, another battle with “The Nap”. My very-near-to-be-two-year-old has decided that when it is Mommy’s time to put him to bed for his nap, he is going to refuse. Refuse by yelling “All done!”, “noooooo”, get a fit of the giggles, ask for the potty, ask for water, milk, juice, a cookie, a book. No, not that book. Another book. The one with Pooh on it.

When he’s finally falling asleep, my other munchkin wakes leaving the toddler thinking that as soon as mommy walks out that door, it’s time to sneak out and pull all the toys off the shelves. (*Note, I did NOT take a picture).

So, after two hours of “Go to sleep” and trying hard not to give into demands for attention, sending him straight back to his bed, I gave up. Seriously, two hours is enough of a waste of my time, Daysha’s and his.

The result was a temper tantrum after a walk and play at the park, and an earlier bedtime than he usually goes. 8:30. Now there are a lot of tots that always go to bed at that time. Mine? It has usually been 10 o’clock. He sleeps in that way, and so does Mommy. I never really cared because I’m a night hawk anyway so a late bedtime for him was fine with me. As long as he got his sleep. But this is now the third time I have had a battle with the naptime. He has always been really good but I am starting to think that A) he’s testing all the skills I have with patience and anger management and B) he might be growing out of his nap.

I have always been in tune with Ethan and have carefully watched when something wasn’t working and we’d change it up so that life would become easier. I’m not all about ridged schedules and routines. I think kids are flexible as they grow so I’m all about making things as easy as I can for everyone involved.

But in all honesty, I don’t know if I should turf this naptime thing just yet. Perhaps I can for a while and see if the earlier bedtime will work for him but in the past when he’s missed his nap and crashed before the usual time, he wakes up more during the night and the next day is an overtired kid. I don’t know if it is best for him to get all his sleep requirements in one stint or keep it broken up over the day with a nap. If that’s the case, I need to find something else to keep him from popping his head in and out of the door.

My options are:
A) Bed time at 9-10, wake at 8-9, nap at 1-2 (what we do now)
B) Bed time at 9-10, wake at 8-9, nap at lunchtime. (would an earlier nap work?)
C) Bed time at 8-9, wake at 7-8, nap at lunchtime. (when’s lunch? Before/after nap?)
D) Bed time at 8-9, wake at (?), no nap. Recipe for crankiness?

And I am sure there are more options I could try too. I realize that pre-preschoolers are programmed to challenge everything an adult lays before them but I’d ideally like to be, at least, a half a step ahead of him. What’s happening now is nothing but a combat and I’m losing. So before I throw in the towel and raise the white flag, what do you think? What age is it reasonable for a toddler to grow out of the need for a nap?

Some technical garb: According to the National Sleep Foundation, babies need 14 to 15 hours of sleep, toddlers need 12 to 14 hours and preschoolers need 11 to 13 hours in each 24-hour period to function at their best. And the more sleep-deprived a child is, the more likely he is to be sleepy and overtired during the day, to change sleeping locations at night, and to have more sleep problems overall. Sleep begets sleep -- it can't be said often enough. --- Ann Douglas, Canadian Living.com

The bed is a bundle of paradoxes: we go to it with reluctance, yet we quit it with regret; we make up our minds every night to leave it early, but we make up our bodies every morning to keep it late. ~Charles Caleb Colton

*image is not mine. Stolen from a google search.

Perfection I am not.

I am not a perfect mom. No kidding. Not as I sit here at 4:00 in the afternoon, blogging away, sipping on a glass on red-relaxin’. I should be scrubbin’ my floors, makin’ supper, picking up toys, pay the bills…..no thanks. Not now. As much as I love my almost 2 year old, he’s stressing me out. And I’m human so I won’t deny that his stage of “ignore-mom-until-I-want-to-listen” isn’t ticking me off.

Gymnastics was fine if it doesn’t bother me that my toddler decides to let mom do all the hand-over-hand and snubs the idea of walking on his own two feet. It’s waaaaay more fun to lay down, roll around on the floor, and watch mom break a sweat.

BP’s was fine for lunch. Really it was. Me and two small tots. Seriously, what could you possibly think could go haywire?

Nap time. Was a battle. First we made a potty trip and that was successful. Yay! Then I asked him to pull up his pants and it was time for a nap. Glove slap. There were three back-to-back time outs with a little naked bum on the step until it was agreed that mommy was right and he did need a nap. Then there was a disagreement about which bed to sleep in. Mommy’s held a sleeping baby and having a soon-to-be-overtired child yelling wasn’t going to restful for anyone so it was back down to his own room. Glove slap. Then the sleeping baby woke up to nurse. The toddler was on his own to close his peepers; not to come out of his bed and play with his books. Back to bed. A third glove slap. Mommy’s losing patience, but I think we have success. Two sleeping childre…no wait. One baby asleep, one toddler walking out the door with poop on his hand. Ooooohhh! Okay, so quick cleanup...I said quick….quickly….quicker….then back to bed. A couple of cuddles, another kiss, and………the baby’s awake.

Breathe.

10…9…8…7….okay, really, that works as good as a hole in the head.

Another nursing, another poopy bum and back to sleep. So you see, I’m taking my own time out, not doing my “mommy chores” and trying to get a little sanity back. It may not be motherhood perfection but I love my little snubber and I am really trying to ride the crest of the wave of these phases with a little optimism that every mother is doing the same thing with their soon-to-be-preschoolers….wondering if it really is all worth it in the end? (That's rhetorical).

Fire and Rescue. Another Thank You.

Last Saturday, Glen went into work late. He has his day shift crew stay a little longer so that Glen and I could to the Spruce Grove Fire Services. It was difficult to arrange a meeting as Glen and the Paramedics that were on-call when Daysha was born, work the exact shift as Glen but we finally got the opportunity to say our thanks.

Our thanks go to Rob, Gary and Captain Mclain. They were a part of Daysha’s birth story as they stood by with their support and guidance as my midwife, Cathy and friend, Jen, worked diligently to ensure Daysha’s health after she was born refusing to breathe on her own.

In my eyes, as I lay on the floor, I could see the intensity in the room. I could see Rob standing near me watching over my daughter who was lying on the bed. I could hear Gary say she was coming around, I could hear the Captain running to bring warm towels to wrap her in. I heard them ask how I was doing and I told them to just look after my girl. I had yet to see her so before they left with her, I grabbed Rob’s leg and asked him “please, let me see her”. As soon as I saw her eyes, I teared up as I am doing now. They took her and my husband safely in the ambulance to the University where they would wait for me. I was exhausted.

Thank you for your quick response, your safe transportation of our daughter, your comforting words and your belief in the strength of my baby. Thank you for giving space for my midwife to work and holding off on intubating her, having faith that she would come around. It means more than words can say, that you took the time to bring me my baby girl so that I could see her as I would have if the circumstances were right. Thank you Captain for giving my mom a hug and telling her it was alright. Thank you all, for comforting my husband and letting him be with his daughter the entire time. And thank you for letting us come back with our family to visit you once again, letting Ethan play on the trucks, and giving them both a bear to keep. It means a lot.



You can check out the Web Album here.